Johnny Depp at home with the kids.

A purely made up, fiction story. 

Johnny hears little Jack swotting with his sword.

Jack swot swot

Lily-Rose 'Daddy he attacked Barbie'

Johnny 'Jack!!!!'

Jack 'I'm Captain Jack Depp savvy'

Johnny 'You're without doubt the worst little pirate I have ever heard of'

Jack 'But you have heard of me. Mummy brought me here when you became good friends savvy'

Vanessa 'Jack!'

Johnny 'What say you leave Barbie alone and play with you're own toys. What say you savvy'

Lily-Rose 'Why are you talikng like captain Jack Daddy?'

Jack 'He spoke like me in that window movie when he went ga ga'

Johnny 'I'm watching you. I'm watching you'

Jack 'I know daddy'

Ali B

Reprinted with her permission